my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
