Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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