There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
