she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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