Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
