Plan B is the new Plan A
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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