i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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