i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Green mimosas i think yes
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize