I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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