He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
