Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
