I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
