i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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