So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
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