I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
