ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I cockslap morals
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
