i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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