you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
