There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
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You're earring is so big in my mouth
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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