Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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