is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
