remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
