I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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