So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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