it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
