shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
