My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize