She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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