i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
