He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
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We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
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She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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