I must be too annoying 4 u.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Found your dick twin last night
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
