Define "chronic" masturbator.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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