My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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