im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
