If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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