I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
