I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
