Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex