As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.