Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal