The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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