being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous