Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
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The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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