please come you make the beer taste better
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
