i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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