I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We were destined to go to rehab together
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
