the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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