The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
