I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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