I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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