Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
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