Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
