I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
