What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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