you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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