Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Are my feet made of real feet?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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