Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
