Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Randomize
