Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
