Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
