My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
