please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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