We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
how does that bad decision feel?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
