Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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