When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
