All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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