I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
