my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
