she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
