he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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